Tis the Season!

Welp, Its that time of year again kids. Time for Christmas lights, baking, ornament exchanges and holiday parties. Unfortunately for me and my family, its also a time of rememberance for Bud. I think my last post was actually about him on his birthday, ironic I guess. Bud passed away on December 27th when I was 21 years old. Right in front of me. In previous years this hasn't been as difficult, but given some extenuating circumstances, I'm feeling it a little bit more this year. I have been married for over a year now, I have this amazing man that I love more every single day and it still breaks my heart that they never met. I still sometimes think that Bud had something huge to do with the timing and me meeting Danny. I can't help but think it. Whenever I envisioned who I would end up in this life, it was always someone a lot like Mr. Smith. Danny proves to me daily that he is so much like him. I dont want this post to be so sad and dreary, but I did need to let a little of this saddness out. I miss him everyday.

On a second note: I dont think I've done an update since reaching my "goal weight". With that being said, holidays are impossible! With as much as I love to cook and bake, Im making it more difficult on myself. Lets see, what else has happened since my last post.

Miss Alicia got married. Its still weird for me to say her "husband" at times. I could not be happier for them and more relieved that my toast at the reception is over with. I was shaking like a leaf.

I went to visit a friend in Austin. That was a great time and all we did was shop and hang out. Didn't go out at all...which is surprising for Austin, TX.

I hosted my very first thanksgiving dinner at my home. I managed to make a beautiful turkey and some of the trimmings. I was SO stressed about that, I can't even explain it to you. Not to mention that my entire family was coming. Both sets of parents including my dad. I was so happy he came!

I have hosted my 5th annual ladies xmas brunch with my mom. I can't believe we have done this 5 times now. It was a pretty good turn out. I hope all the ladies had as much fun as I did.

I guess thats all I have for now. I'm doing my best to keep my emotions at bay and not let them get the best of me. I have to remember that he is always with me, even if I can't see him.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a very Blessed 2012!

Love you!

August 15, 1946

Ok this date, Harbert Smith Jr. was welcomed into this world. What an amazing man he proved to be. A man with so much love in his heart for others that is still astonishes me today. I was so very blessed to have had him as my stepfather for almost 9 years before he passed away. How truly lucky am I to have known him. There are many times when I miss him and wish he was here to see what my life has become, or how I wish that he would be here for my future children, because I know there is nothing that would have made him happier. I love him and miss him still and seeing as yesterday was his birthday, it only seems right to think of him a little more and share a little with you, whoever you are that reads this. With always the best stories and a way of talking to me like no one else could at the time, he was a best friend, an AMAZING parent and someone that I will always hold very closely in my heart.

To "My Bud", as I used to call him,....I love you always and you are always with me.

I am seriously missing someone today....

So...its been a while!

Hey there folks! I haven't posted on here in quite some time as you can tell. Lets see, what has changed.

1. Left QVL. - It was a beautiful romantic story but when it came right down to it...horrible fit for me

2. Started at MGM - Love it..couldn't be happier..and i have a 15 minute commute. Not too shabby.

3. I am now 6 lbs away from my original goal weight. This is very exciting for me. I'm wearing items I haven't been able to even think about wearing since college.

4. The hubs and I have almost been married for 1 year. It is insane to me how quickly time has flown by. We are planning a trip for our anny and its going to be absolutely amazing! I can't wait!

As it is coming up on June and half way through the year, lets look back at the new years resolutions.

#1: to lose weight...so far so good on this one. Weight Watchers is an amazing tool and I have definitely revamped my entire lifestyle.

#2: Worry less: I think I'm doing pretty well on this one.

#3: This is the last one: to find a church and actually start going. The first move has happened though. The boy has mentioned that he's started to get ready to start looking for our church home. This made me SO happy! So...I feel like we are in a good place on this one.

One Word

1)Where is your cell phone? on the charger next to me

2)Your hair? Brunette

3)Your mother? Strong

4)Your father? Rangers

5)Your favorite thing? punkin

6)Your dream last night? no clue

7)Your favorite drink? sweet tea

8)Your dream / goal? to be happy

9)What room are you in? office at work

10)Your hobby? working out?

11)Your biggest fear? losing someone i love

12)Where were you last night? Xd2

13)Something that you're not? confrontational

14)Muffins? Blueberry

15)Wish list item? no idea

16)Last thing you did? post on my WW message board

17)What are you wearing? dress

18)Friends? Amazing!

19)Your mood? Happy

20)Drinking? water

21)Your car? Maxine

22)Something you're not wearing? earrings

23)Your favorite home goods store? kirklands?

24)Your Favorite Color? Purple

25)Your favorite place to eat? Taste of italy

26)Favorite place I would like to be right now? Home with Danny

11 Pounds to Goal!

Good Morning! Can I just say that I am super excited after yesterday's weigh in. I definitely thought I was about to hit a plateau but I lost 3 more pounds. I am only 11 pounds away from my goal weight! I couldn't be more excited. I can definitely tell a difference in my body all over now. I'm hoping the pounds keep coming off at this rate!

On a different note: I'm assuming the drama at my mom's house has calmed down a little bit. I haven't seen my stepdad since everything happened and I'm pretty much ok with it. My brother seems to be afraid of him and I think that is a healthy fear. I would be too. He is not a small man. Mom says that at dinner this past week there was a little tension but nothing crazy happened which is good.

Kyle, Stephanie and Izzy came over on Saturday night. That might have been the 2nd highlight of my weekend. Isabelle has gotten so big and she is just so adorable. She is a little ball of personality when she is around people she feels comfortable with. Not to mention she is a gorgeous little girl. It was great to spend some time with my brother and Steph also. I feel like the only time we see them is holidays and birthdays and I really want to make a better effort at seeing them. Even if that means I have to drive to Roanoke more often. They are family. Thats all I have as of right now.

Oh...I could show you a face "before" and "where I am now" picture.

Before:



Where I am now:

Random Monday-ness

Welp, I haven't updated on here in a while so I figured it was time.

I have reached the 10 lbs lost mark which was really exciting and I got another manicure as a reward! I'm going to have to come up with something else for 15 lbs to make it a little more exciting. I didn't lose very much this week so that was a little discouraging and we are going camping this weekend which makes me a little nervous. (all the eating drinking and nothing else really). I do have a plan though. I've already purchased some plan friendly food items that will help me stick to it and I'm hoping I can make myself get up and run in the mornings. I'll definitely let you know if that happens.

Camping is definitely one of my all time favorite things that Danny and I do. It really is an amazing opportunity for us to get away from everything and just enjoy each others company and the company of the friends that go with us. We always come home so much more connected and refreshed. It really is GREAT! I wanna go right now! HAHA!

Speaking of getting away from it all....my family has to be one of the more dramatic families I know, but I think everyone feels this way about their families! haha! I think mine is exceptionally crazy because of one individual. Drama seems to follow him. Last night was probably the craziest I have seen things ever get and it truly scared me. I was afraid for peoples safety which is not really a feeling you want when you are with family. Peoples tempers went completely off the reservation and other people who I thought should have stepped up and said something at that moment, just sat there. It was surprising to me honestly and I couldn't stay in that situation. I had to leave. Needless to say, dinner at mom's house was not the same after everything went down. I dont want to go into too much detail because I dont know who reads this at all times, but it was just craziness. I'm going to look a few family members in a completely different light after all of that.

On another note: My bestest just had some surgery. She and I had a bit of a falling out just before it. I dont feel like its been completely resolved which is difficult for me, but I can't be selfish because right now I know she is struggling with the recovery process. I failed as a friend. That is all that can really be said about it. I feel awful about it and I hope she and I can mend that when she gets to feeling better. Please keep her in your prayers or positive thoughts for a speedy recovery.

Another thing I'm bummed about that isn't serious at all...Opening Day. I have gone to opening day at the ballpark every year since I graduated college. This has become somewhat of a tradition for me. I asked dad about it this year (I purchase my tickets so I'm not free-loading) and he basically said he could get a "limited amount of tickets". So does that mean I jsut dont get to purchase one? I LOVE opening day. Really kinda hacks me off that he is being like that. he's an employee, I know he'll get tickets because he does every year and every year I purchase from my dad. GRR! Is this spoiled of me?

zumba and Piyo are tongiht. Lets hope burning some calories can get my mind off the things I can't shut off in my head.

Cardio Kick Boxing

Ok. There are a few things to mention in this week's blog. 1st of all...I skipped my meeting on Sunday. I had a horrible week last week I felt like. The gym was closed due to the ridiculous weather. I tried to work out at home and did on 2 days but it just wasn't the same. I didn't feel like I did my best not to mention that I pretty much ate what I wanted on Friday and Saturday. So, I skipped it due to my swollen eye and bad self esteem.

Now we are back on track. I have worked out the past two days and I'm officially loving it. I'm so glad that I have gotten past the "this sucks" phase of working out. I think they say it takes a month to create a habit. I'm wondering if this is why I felt so crummy last week....because I couldn't work out. Weird!

Last night I tried "Turbo Kick Boxing". Not only does this sound incredibly intimidating to me. I knew I was going to feel like a complete idiot because lets face it, I'm a girl and I most likely punch like one. But, once the music started going...I no longer cared. And everyone else looks stupid too. haha! This has been by far my absolute FAVORITE class. I never thought it would be, but its amazing cardio and you are using every muscle in your body.

I also did Pi-Yo on Monday which was a new experience. Its a combination of Pilates and Yoga. It moves a little faster than yoga but its still very soothing and relaxing to do. Very "Zen" if you will. It was definitely what I needed on Monday after the week I have been having. That is sad to say because it is only Wednesday.

Working out has definitely become my release. I remember a time when I used to run 2x a day and I absolutely loved it. These classes are doing that for me. It gets me off my rear end, out of the house, and I'm doing something good for myself. Its about time! I have been lazy for too long!

Tonight is the Bootcamp Conditioning class which I'm hoping doesn't get cancelled because we just got MORE SNOW. What is up with that? I live in Texas people....we dont get this much snow. Anyway...if the gym is closed then I'll be forced to do my old school Power 90 "Beach Body" video in hopes that I burn some calories.

Just for those that are interested...I dont even know if people read this but the "gym" I go to is really a dance studio with adult fitness classes.

http://www.xd2dance.com/

Shocking News and a 5 Lb Sticker

Ok....This past weekend I had a conversation with one of my nearest and dearest friends. We have definitely grown apart in the past few years but I assume that happens with people who dont live anywhere close to one another. I have learned something about this person that makes me think completely different of them. Something that I dont know how to handle or process. I dont really want to go into a lot of detail but the fact of the matter is that someone I thought I knew so well, handed me probably the most troubling, disturbing news without even a flinch. As if what she was telling me was 100% normal and everyone does this. I couldnt disagree more with her and it absolutely shocked me. That she was so nonchalant. This news has since put me in a very strange mood and has me questioning how I could even be friends with someone like this. This thought makes me very sad, but the fact of the matter is that our lives are so completely different that we rarely find anything in common anymore. She lives in a very small town and all things are done different. Do not misunderstand, I am not making excuses or saying what has been done is by any means ok, but that is simply the fact. Their life will always be significantly different than mine. Its just sad to find things out like this about people. Truly broke my heart.

On a much lighter note.... I got my 5 lb sticker this week in WW. Things are actually working which makes me feel good. I can see my body changing and thats a good feeling. I've been working out so I'm hoping that helps in that process as well. I still have 19 pounds left to go, but I'm feeling really good about it. My "goal jeans" are still in my closet and aren't lose yet, but I know they are on their way.

What to say...

I have a feeling this post is going to mainly be a brain dump. I dont have any real exciting news but I want to try and keep this thing up as much as I can so here we are.

Went to my 3rd WW meeting yesterday and was really excited that I lost 3 pounds. I know that some people may think this is water weight or just a swing of natural happenings...but I'm taking it as a good sign that I'm moving in the right direction. My first goal is to lose 7 lbs and I've already lost 4.2 total. So yay! I'm excited and it is so good to see the numbers going down when I'm really trying to work so hard. I kind of wish I would have taken a before picture so that at the end when I reach my goal I can take an after...not that I would really share that with any of you because YUCK!

Work is good....still trying to figure out what is it exactly that they want me to do.

I must say that I am going to be VERY happy when football season is over. I dont have a love for professional football. I really used to like college football but that was when I was in college. Since then I dont really have an interest. I will always support tech but thats about it. haha!

What else is there.....I got nothing.

Thats enough for now I suppose...until next time! :)

Week One Complete

Ok...do week one of WW is complete and I must say I'm not hating it near as much as I was the first few days. The crazy hunger has subsided a little bit and now I think I'm finally getting used to just eating less. Danny has been amazing as usual and is really doing this with me which is a great help! It would be so hard if I came home to him eating junk and I had to gnaw on some lettuce. haha! Tiff and I went to the grocery store last night and I got plenty of food for the meals I have planned for the week. She's been doing so great too and I'm so proud of her. Sooooooo glad we are doing this together. Its important to have that accountability. I lost 1 pound 2 oz. this week. Thats not a lot but its better than nothing. I have a horrible habit of just maintaining. I can't seem to lose. The hubs and I are going to start working out this week so that will help too I think. Only have one meal out planned for the week so that will help too. Its so hard to eat out and eat healthy. I had lettuce with some cheese on it the other day and that was 10 points. I didn't feel like it was worth it. Id rather cook something at home that will leave me feeling like I actually ate something other than air. My goal is to look like this girl again.

Not that much thinner, but you'll notice the face is a little thinner and the rest of the body is definitely thinner I promise! I dont want to get scary skinny like I did in high school. I just want to get to where I was before I started drinking basically! haha! I want to feel pretty again! Feel good in my skin again. Its a work in progress. Lets see what happens!

STARVING!

You know those commercials where they have "hunger" following you throughout the day. That is what I have felt like for the past week. Hungry! Around breakfast I'm usually pretty good, but after lunch and starting around 3 PM I'm absolutely starving. I have yet to really figure out how to maximize my points so I'm just hungry. Tiffany and Danny have been great about keeping me motivated and not letting me get discouraged by the hunger pains! Danny even ate soup and salad for his bday dinner just so I wouldn't be miserable sitting next to him. Love him.

Farewell 2010...Hello 2011

Ok not only does it feel really weird to type 2011 but it sounds weird too. As I have said in previous posts I was positive by this time in our lives we would be flying to work...kinda wish that one came true because I am seriously not a fan of traffic. ANYWAY....

As a recap of the holidays, they were absolutely amazing! We got to see dad, kyle, stephanie and of course little Izzy on Christmas eve and then spend Christmas day morning with my mom and the afternoon with his parents. We got some great gifts but of course it is more about spending time with the family rather than getting the presents. I enjoyed some much needed days off work during the holidays which was very nice to get to spend some quality time with the hubs and really unwind. New Years was a little uneventful this year unless you count the two giant dogs that stayed the night with us. Brew and Shiner made our home theirs on NYE and Kenzie was mortified. I'm sure she is still mad as us. Danny and I stayed awake till midnight and then I quickly began to fade. This is not abnormal. This leads me to my new years resolutions. I know that you should aim to be a good person all the time and aim to be healthy all the time, but there is something about the beginning of the new year that really just puts a new perspective on things. So here ya go:

1. Worry less....I am a worry wart. Ask any of my friends. I call them sometimes to tell me I'm crazy just to make myself stop worrying. This doesn't always work but I try sometimes. I think this will be beneficial to both myself and my husband. The poor guy has to deal with my ever changing worries and stresses too much and I owe it to him to be happy and a little more carefree!




2. Lose weight: I know it is cliche and everyone says they are going to lose weight or go on a diet for the new year, but this time I am determined. I joined weightwatchers and so far this whole points thing is going well. BUT...we are going out for Danny's bday tonight so this might be the first test. What to eat at a restaurant when all I want are chicken tenders. I'm gonna have to learn to really love salad! haha! I blame the weight gain on numerous things but ultimately it is my own fault. I have started just eating junk. lots of wendy's and pizzas and not working out AT ALL! So, my first step is to get the food under control and then I'll start working out. I'm interested to see what changes that has on me first. 2nd weigh in is on Sunday so I'll let you know.




3: Find a church and actually start attending. Now this one will be slightly difficult because it involves another person. I truly want Danny and I to find a church home and start attending. We both agree that we dont want it to be something we feel like we "Have" to do but something we "want" to do. This is a big difference here. Danny grew up catholic and was forced to go to mass and catholic school and there are a lot of traditions and expectations with that. I grew up baptist with a super baptist mom and dad and we weren't given the option. I do want us to find somewhere we can both agree on, feel happy in, and go on a semi-regular basis. This will become even more important when we start talking about children.